All posts by Bryce Ashlin-Mayo

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“Age of Kings” Book Release

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November 1st marks the release of my newest book, “Age of Kings: Pursuing God’s Heart in a Social Media World.”

Age of Kings follows the life and reign of King David, taking my area of interest and academic study (social media and its impact on society) and framing it in a hopeful pastoral voice. Social media has given everyone the power once only held by kings and queens and we are largely unequipped to handle it.

Age of Kings addresses the issues of our social media age: personal propaganda, #hashtivism, acquaintance-friendships, trolls, selfies, desire, cognification, and fake news. Like a guidebook for the newly crowned kings and queens of this age, Age of Kings equips the reader to discover their true worth and identity, to conquer giants, to experience true friendship, to share their life authentically, to give all glory to God, to walk in sexual wholeness, to embrace humility, and to seek truth in community.

Age of Kings endeavors to help the reader understand this disruption as well as equip them to wield it for the furtherance of God’s kingdom and mission.

Don’t miss this important resource!

Available now on Amazon

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A Personal Prayer in a Global Crisis

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Gracious Father,

Our world is in distress. Our world is in crisis. My heart is confused. My heart is broken.

I wrestle with hatred, the need for vengeance, and the desire to turn my back on the those in need with calculated apathy. Yet, I know that You and Your kingdom are real, beautiful and more powerful than anything I can even imagine, so I pray this prayer with faith and hope:

God, I pray for the unfathomable amount of refuges who are desperately fleeing terror and unspeakable horror into the unknown, away from everything and everyone they know. You are not ignorant to this Jesus. In fact, this is part of your incarnational story – a child en route with His teenage parents as refugees in Northern Africa, escaping tyranny and the impending slaughter of innocent children in Israel. May the refugees of our world find Jesus as their Comforter, Saviour and Lord in the midst of their desperation and may the Church of Christ love, welcome and embrace through radical hospitality those who are experiencing the terror of war. May I have the courage and generosity to feed the hungry, give a cup of cold water, and even the shirt off my back to those in need. These are not simply Your poetic words of suggestion but Your profound call for my life. As I love, may others see the love of You, Jesus, in my words and in my deeds.

Change me, Jesus!

God, may you teach me what it truly means to love my enemy. I admit, this has been a foreign and largely theoretical reality for me in North America. It is easy to say, “I love my enemy” in times of security but in the face of fear, it is proving to be extremely difficult. Your call for me to love is beyond my ability. I am not entirely sure how to love my enemy but I know it doesn’t look like apathy, fear, scarcity, prejudice, malice, revenge or hatred.

Change me, Jesus!

God, may you teach me to love my neighbour as the Good Samaritan did – loving my profoundly different neighbour in practical, costly and inconvenient ways. Help me to love those who profess belief in a different god, religion or ideology as I do. You never gave exceptions or exclusions to love! Forgive me for doing so in my actions and inactions to those who are different from me.

Change me, Jesus!

God, help me pastor and parent in the midst of brokenness. Help me lead the church in radical love of the other, different, immigrant, broken, lost, refugee, etc. Help me lead your church with wisdom, mercy, grace and lavish love. Help me parent my children who are learning how to navigate this world as followers of you, Jesus. May they see from my example, someone who loves like You, even in the face of fear.

Change me, Jesus!

God, as I look into the world you profoundly love, watch the news on TV, browse my Facebook feed, or read internet comments, I am reminded that our world isn’t much different than the one you found yourself in two thousand years ago. The idea of loving our enemy, the religiously different, those who hurt us, and those we are afraid of, are the very ideas that took large crowds of Your followers and left You with a small few – it is hard teaching. It is easy to say I will love all when I am not afraid, but when fear grips my heart, help me to love all – even my enemy.

Change me, Jesus!

Change me, Jesus! By the power of the Holy Spirit, change me!

May I have the strength, courage and boldness to storm the gates of hell with the advancing weapons of truth, love, compassion, forgiveness, mercy and grace – as I do, may I have the confidence to know your promise that the gates of hell will not prevail.

In the name of Jesus, Amen.

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Crossing the Social Media Bridge

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The following is also published in The Vermilion Standard

I have never personally seen Confederation Bridge but I hear it is something to behold. Spanning thirteen-kilometers, the bridge drapes the Abegweit Passage of the Northumberland Strait, connecting Prince Edward Island with the mainland (New Brunswick). It is an amazing feat of engineering and currently holds the Guinness World Record for the longest bridge over ice (winter).

In many ways, it is a perfect metaphor for social media and its ability to connect people like never before. For the first time in history, people have the ability to connect instantly with multiple people, in multiple places, across multiple devices and in multiple languages (using translation technology). In this way, social media is a gift to humanity and a bridge that has the potential to bring people together in unprecedented ways.

Although our hyper-connected world has given us the ability to connect with more people faster and further than ever before, paradoxically, people have never felt more alone. It is a phenomenon Sherry Turkle terms as, “Alone Together.”

In the midst of this unprecedented hyper-connected world, people are increasingly feeling isolated and alone. In many ways, social media has given us the gift of a bridge but we haven’t learned to cross it into the deep and meaningful relationships it has the potential to help facilitate. Just as a bridge is not the end but the means to the end, social media is a means to relationship rather than the relationship you need to have.

To put it another way, too many people have a relationship with social media rather than utilizing social media as a means to have increasingly meaningful relationships with others. Building on the bridge metaphor, we have gotten on the bridge and enjoyed the view but few of us have learned to cross it and experience the wonders on the other side.

We are challenged to then use social media as a bridge to friendship not the destination.

Consider this wisdom given in the Bible about friendship: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24, ESV

So many of us are “friends” with more people than we were before social media but we are still very alone. We have not experienced the gift of true friendship with others that social media has promised to provide. Therefore, my challenge for us is to use social media as the bridge it is destined to be rather than a destination of desertion. Let us use it to cross barriers and experience the deep community and friendships we were created for.

We were created to live on the other side of the bridge – in rich community – but too many of us are lost on it, unaware of what is available on the other side.

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Using a Thermometer in Your Marriage

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*This following will also be published in The Vermilion Standard

Wedding season is upon us and, like many pastors, my weekends begin to fill up with weddings as couples celebrate and commit to each other before their loved ones and their God. During this wedding season, I thought it would be appropriate to share some marriage advice for couples preparing to get married and for married couples who desire to grow in their marital relationship.

As I journey with couples preparing to get married, I always encourage them to spend as much time and energy preparing for the marriage as they spend on their wedding ceremony. Thus, in preparation for their marriage, I spend several sessions with couples working through some material that helps build communication, creates good conversations and offers good advice in an effort to create the best foundation for long term marital happiness and success.

One of the many lessons I try to instill in couples is how to take the temperature during an argument/disagreement/fight. In an effort to help couples fight well, it is important to allow a temperature check (for yourself and, at times and with permission, for your partner). To often, in arguments we react rather than respond to issues or situations, unnecessarily escalating conflict and shutting down communication.

For example, if your partner forgets to turn the lights off in the house, what is the appropriate response? A reactionary response often escalates the problem by reacting to it in a way that doesn’t match the issue or situation. Yelling and screaming or storming off in silence would not be a healthy response that reflects the issue and situation.

Practically, when arguing, I suggest couples take the time to do a temperature check on their reactions and responses. For example, when something happens and you react ask: “On a scale of one to ten, how serious was the offense? Then ask: “Is my response equal to the offense. If not, why not? Is there something else going on? How should I respond to my partner appropriately about this?”

As Proverbs 15:1 reminds us: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Too many times, arguments unnecessarily escalate because harsh words are used and tempers rage in a way that is unmatched to the situation/issue at hand. Therefore, next time you are in a fight with your significant other, do a temperature check on our reaction/response and ask: “Does it match? If not, why not? What else might be going on?”

In your marriage (as with all relationships), take the time to use the reaction thermometer and fight well. Endeavour to always respond rather than react – your marriage will be healthier for it.

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The Nemesis of a Distorted Reflection

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The Greek myth of Narcissus is an interesting and poignant tale for our times. The simplified version of the myth finds Narcissus abruptly leaving the infatuated Echo with a broken heart in the forest. Upon hearing this, Nemesis, the goddess of revenge, decides to punish Narcissus for his treatment of Echo. Luring him to a brook, Nemesis shows Narcissus his image and he falls in love with his reflection, eventually drowning to death in his self-obsession.  This simplified mythical story gives us several of the words commonly used in our vocabulary: nemesis as our archenemy and narcissism as the obsession of self. These two words, stemming from this story, pair well in the appetite of our culture.

In our social media world, we have increasingly become susceptible to the temptation of our cultural nemesis – narcissism. Much like Narcissus in the story, we have been lured to the water’s edge and have been transfixed by our reflection. Inspired by the work of Marshall McLuhan, the late Canadian media theorist, I would like to suggest that Narcissist didn’t fall in love with himself, but with a distorted reflection of himself. As with all reflections on water’s surface, water reflects an image slightly distorted from the original.

In our social media world, we have fallen in love with ourselves; but not just any version of ourselves – a distorted version. Love is blind and our love has made us blind to who we truly are, drowning in a pool of our collected distorted reflections, unable to recognize ourselves and blind to those, in ignorant solidarity, drowning around us.

In our social media world, our nemesis has tempted us to the waters edge with fame and self-promotion. Social media has provided equal opportunity to climb the platform of popularity. This is so much the case that it has consumed us and we have lost ourselves in our own distorted reflections, drowning as a result.

“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” (James 3:16, NIV)

As we strive to faithfully walk the path along the coast of our social media world, the goal for us is to do so in a way that seeks to fulfill the Great Commandment:

“’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.’ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:27-29, NIV)

As we seek to faithfully follow Jesus in our social media world, I want to suggest three practices to avoid the temptation of our nemesis – our distorted reflection:

  1. Look up, love others and pray for them. Use social media as a window rather than just a megaphone. As much has it allows us to project our voice, it also amplifies the voice of others. Use it love, pray and care for others in need.
  2. Be thankful. Regularly thank God for all you have and who God has uniquely created you to be. This will help you follow the teaching of Jesus and rejoice with others as they celebrate and mourn with others as they grieve. In addition, being thankful will help you to stay free of the snares of worry and envy in your life.
  3. Be humble, truthful and authentic with yourself and others. Try your best to present a true version of yourself and celebrate that version. Do not be tempted by the image of your distorted reflection.

In our social media world, let’s learn to live in it faithfully and embrace the Great Commandment together – loving God and loving others. As we do, we can rescue ourselves, others and society from drowning at the water’s edge, transfixed by our distorted reflections and, instead, faithfully walk in the way of Jesus with authenticity and humility.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)