I wrote the following piece for the Flourishing Congregations Institute at Ambrose University. Click the following link to read it…
The Shocking Lie COVID Unveiled About the Church
Flourishing Congregations does amazing work. If you haven’t checked them out, be sure to tour their website.
Sometimes the world works counterintuitively. Sometimes you must go backwards to go forwards. Sometimes you must steer right to go left.
For example, when you navigate a sailboat, you must turn the tiller in the opposite direction you want the vessel to go. Or, when riding a motorcycle, if you’re going to make a hard right turn, you must turn the handlebar sharply to the left. Sometimes things are counterintuitive.
This same principle is true for resilience and promoting physical and mental health during increased and prolonged stress. What we want or are inclined to do is often the opposite of what we need.
As we persevere through this pandemic, the stress is prolonged and compounded. It is both cumulative and exponential. The way to survive this sustained stress is counterintuitive.
This should not come as a surprise. The way to health is often the opposite of what we are prone to. For example, you expel energy (through exercise) if you want more energy. Additionally, if you struggle with inclinations to withdraw from others in times of stress, the opposite is a better choice: embracing healthy relationships and community. Health is often found in the opposite direction that we are prone to travel in times of stress.
When times are challenging, and we are experiencing extended seasons of stress, we all have a tendency and impulse to focus on ourselves. However, counterintuitively, the healthiest thing we can do is care for others. Research states that when we care for others, check in on them, practically care for them and pray for them, we feel better. And it is not for the reasons you think.
It is not because you will realize someone else has it worse than you.
It is not because you will get a warm fuzzy feeling for doing a good deed, although that may occur.
Instead, there is something intrinsically life-giving when we love and care for others. When we care and show compassion for others, we begin to recalibrate our self-talk and become more compassionate with ourselves. We rewire our brains towards compassion.
“Research also shows that when we do focus on caring for others in times of stress, it changes our brain chemistry in such a way that produce feelings of both hope and courage.” (Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before by Julie Smith, pg. 253)
Thus, if you want to survive this season of prolonged stress as a church leader, family member, business owner, etc., one of the best things you can do is find others to care for, not just others to care for you. Although it may be counter-intuitive, it is one proven strategy in building resiliency.
Now, I need to make an important distinction that this is not about removing healthy boundaries with people. Or, if you are suffering from compassion fatigue, this is not calling you to feel guilty for not caring for others or having the ability to do so. It is essential to draw healthy boundaries and keep them in those circumstances. Instead, I am referring to those just struggling to find hope and courage in this stressful pandemic season.
Therefore, if you are wrestling with hope and courage, find resilience by counterintuitively giving them away! As you encourage and bless others, you will be blessed as a result.
Dear Pastors and Church Leaders,
I have never seen so much discouragement in ministry! Almost every ministry friend and colleague across denominations and traditions are feeling beat up by an onslaught of discouragement.
Like you, I have felt the dirge of discouragement that echoes in Covid’s wake. Although I hesitate to assume what others are experiencing, I think it is fair to say that a long season of disconnection, isolation, disruptions of the feedback loops we relied upon to gauge effectiveness, constant pivots, and relational divisions have taken a compounded toll. Maybe you can relate.
If your hope has been pillaged in Covid’s wake, I want to infuse some courage into your leadership veins. Like Joab to David in 2 Samuel 10:12, I want to call you to good courage.
“Be of good courage, and let us be courageous for our people, and for the cities of our God, and may the LORD do what seems good to him.” 2 Samuel 10:12, ESV
As you look ahead with weary eyes and worn souls, may you embrace “good courage.” Sometimes we can embrace a false or counterfeit courage that seems brave on the surface but only carries the veneer of valour.
Counterfeit courage is easy to conjure. It is often based on self-confidence and self-sufficiency. Because it is based on us, it is fragile and brittle. But that is not the courage Joab calls David too. Joab calls David to good courage rooted in God’s goodness for what seems good to God.
False courage is easy to pass off in times of abundance and excess. But when times are difficult and good news is scarce, counterfeit courage wears thin. In seasons of trial, our courage is sifted.
Not only does Joab give David a call to courage, but he also defines it in such a way that we can evaluate and sift courage in our lives to see if it is good or not. To sift the courage in your life, ask yourself who your courage is for? Joab calls David to good courage for the people and the city, not for David and his self-preservation.
Good courage is always for others. Thus, if you are looking for the courage to fan your reputation, puff up your pride, or advance your position, it ceases to be good. It has become corrupted by selfishness and is no longer found in a good God. However, if your courage is for others, your church, your family, etc., it proves to be genuine and good, able to weather the storms of leadership in self-sacrifice, discomfort, and suffering for a greater good and God’s Glory.
Pastors and church leaders, as you enter the season ahead, may you hear the invitation: “Be of good courage, and let us be courageous for our people, and for the cities of our God, and may the LORD do what seems good to him.”
Jesus is where your living hope is found, your good courage is rooted, and where the rest for the weary is discovered. Reject counterfeit courage rooted in prideful arrogance and embrace good courage focused on others and rooted in a good and gracious God for His Glory. This is the courage that will carry you through!
Pastors and church leaders, be of good courage!
Dear Pastors and Church Leaders,
How are you doing…really?
If you are like most pastors and church leaders these days, the longevity of this season of change, division, lack of volunteers, decrease in giving, etc. has depleted your limited reserves and you are past empty.
Covid has taken its overpriced toll and you are not alone. According to Barna Research, 38% of US pastors (it is probably the same in Canada) have seriously thought about quitting (an increase from earlier in 2021). https://www.barna.com/research/pastors-well-being
As we enter our second Covid Christmas, I want to offer five things to consider as encouragement and advice for both your soul and your ministry:
Take Time to Disentangle Your Life from Your Ministry
The pandemic has been an accelerator and amplifier. It has accelerated change and amplified challenges. One of the challenges for pastors that has been amplified is ministry entanglement. It is understandably hard for pastors to separate their ministry from their marriage, friends, family, personal life, etc. They are by nature interconnected and intertwined. Thus, when there are stresses and challenges in ministry, it can suffocate the other areas of their lives. In fact, the very challenges Covid has amplified (feeling disconnected, incompetent, and beat up from division and hurting people) may be strangling the life and joy out of you and making you feel increasingly isolated and alone.
When you are being suffocated by ministry entanglement, it is not a simple task to disentangle yourself and begin to breathe again. It is a complicated web, formed over time and tied in knots by lies regarding your identity. It is possible to untangle yourself, but it is not easy. Like all knots, the first thing to do when you look to untangle them is to find the ends. One way to do this is by creating an identity statement that states who you are separate from what you do and your role as a pastor. Write a paragraph statement that you can read daily as a reminder of what your life is supposed to look like when untangled from what you do. Second, create a relationship inventory to see gaps in your relationships and discover how many of them are personal over professional (ministry-related). It is vital to have relationships that exist outside of what do you and feed into who you are apart from your ministry role. Thirdly, you will need help. These kinds of knots can’t be undone alone, and you need the help of a trusted friend and/or counsellor to guide you. Finally, begin to rediscover joy in life by intentionally doing things you enjoy (or if it has been a while, things you once enjoyed) with people you enjoy, seeking to laugh each day (with the goal to laugh so much it hurts once a week) and embrace God’s gift of fun.
Embrace Neo-nostalgia this Christmas
As you lead your church this Christmas, embrace the new and creative but do it with a sense of traditional nostalgia this Christmas. Embrace the traditions of your church, sing classic Christmas songs, light lots of candles, and embrace the familiar. There is comfort in familiarity and this Christmas I sense people need the grilled-cheese-and-tomato-soap-on-a-rainy-day-Christmas over the hyper-creative-gourmet-meal that sees familiarity as the enemy. Take a new spin on traditional (the neo of the neo-nostalgia) but embrace the familiar rather than shy away from it.
Personalize Care this Christmas
If it has been a while since you have checked in with your congregation, now is the time to personalize care again. Make phone calls, do creative deliveries, mail personalized notes, etc. Every church context is different, but regardless of your context or church size find a way to personally care this Christmas. In a season of disconnection, these connection points (although taxing for you, your staff, and your congregational care team) are the lifeline for your church family.
Be Flexible and Have Backup Plans
This should be second nature by now, but whatever you do, don’t put all your eggs in one regather basket. Every jurisdiction is different, but it is key to have backup plans for your backup plans. Covid can change in an instant and having a way to move online or that allows for more people to gather in person is key to adjusting in this season. Having alternative plans is a little more work upfront but it can reduce stress and anxiety for you and your team, allowing for quick and effective pivots if needed.
Keep Going!
In every pastoral coaching call I do, every pastoral ministry class I teach, and pastor group I speak to, I end with an encouragement to “Keep going!” Covid has been a leadership marathon, and, like all marathons, the runners don’t need cheers at the beginning of the race. Rather, the runners need it most as they approach the “runner’s wall” when the impulse to quit and give up is at its peak. It is exactly at this point that they need to be reminded that a breakthrough is coming and that things are better than they appear. I sense we are approaching the wall and as we do, we are also at our most vulnerable to despair and hopelessness.
Maybe this Christmas is the pastoral ministry wall for you. If so, I want you to hear me, and many others who are cheering you on.
You can do it!
Don’t give up!
Keep going!
It is worth it!
Jesus is worth it!
Loving Father,
As the Psalmist invites us, we enter your courts with thanksgiving. However, if we are honest, we also enter your courts exhausted and with a limp. This season has been hard. This fourth wave and its restrictions (including people’s reactions to them) will be the most challenging yet. Although the previous waves were difficult, many of us felt like we got a glimpse of momentum over the last couple of weeks only to have it eclipsed by recent (needed) public health measures. Although we may understand the importance of these measures as we partner with other sectors of society (loving our neighbours in the process), it doesn’t make it easy.
As shepherds and leaders of your flock, many of our people are tired, frustrated, anxious, and stressed. We have healthcare workers who are exhausted, business owners who are devastated, parents who are stressed, and others who are extremely angry at the government and their decisions (some believing they didn’t do enough early enough and others believing that they are doing too much). We need your wisdom, strength, and resolve to lead our hurting, diverse, and, at times, divided and disgruntled congregations.
Therefore, as we lead through the fourth wave of Covid, may you grant us…
Persistence like Noah, who built an ark while enduring ridicule and abandonment of others.
Faith like Abraham, who despite not seeing any sign of hope, trusted in you.
Resolve like Moses, who led your people out of slavery only to have them grumble and complain the entire way.
Ears like Elijah, who heard your voice not in the earthquake and wind, but in the still small voice.
Heart like David, who, although deeply flawed and riddled with errors of judgement, sought after you. May we have the humility to regularly ask you to search our hearts and test our motives so we never confuse leadership resolve with prideful arrogance.
Peace like Silas, who was able to sleep in a prison cell while facing a very uncertain future.
Trust like Paul, who led some of the most dysfunctional churches in history and did it with eyes firmly fixed on you. May we have an abiding trust in you as we lead our churches in a way that decouples our identity from their “success.”
Jesus, you are the head of the Church and so we rest in your leadership, goodness, and grace. If the last twenty months have taught us anything, you are good and you will see us through! Therefore, lead us into the future with persistence, faith, resolve, listening ears, soft hearts, supernatural peace, and abiding trust.
You have called us, you are faithful, and you will do it (1 Thess. 5:24)!
In your glorious name, Amen!
