This last Sunday I had the opportunity to go to a local Gurdwara (Sikh place of worship) and attend their worship service with my Inter-cultural class. It was fascinating on so many levels and I learned a lot. You can learn a lot of things from a classroom or a book, but nothing beats learning by experience and this was no exception. The Sikh community was incredibly welcoming and gave us a full tour as well as hosted us for lunch.
One of the highlight for me was seeing the children run around freely and unencumbered in the midst of their worship. Even during the prayers (which was a highly respectful time), kids were just being kids and it was acceptable and embraced. Children were frequently running back and forth from father to mother, grandmother to grandfather (men and women sit on different sides of the room) without it being a distraction or annoyance to anyone. This is one of those things I wish was more evident in Christian churches as kids were just being kids, even in the midst of their worship and teaching.
What would it look like for our Christian worship services to be more family friendly and naturally relaxed around children? What makes it so tense when a child cries or a child gets antsy? Why do we feel awkward or embarrassed when this happens ?
I might be taking a huge risk in saying this but I have to disagree in a small way. I also had an opportunity to observe some kids this Sunday and I believe that at some point kids should be expected to behave quietly and sit nicely. After saying this I do think that a child dancing or clapping during worship is more than welcome. I also understand when little ones are just learning to sit and can’t quite grasp it. There is always a time when you need your child to sit and be still and quiet, to me church is a good place to start.
No risk in disagreeing with me, that is purpose of the blog and I trust this will probe some conversation and thought. In fact, thanks so much for your thoughtful and honest comment that has made me think of this question from a different angle.
In relation to your point, I guess I have just been questioning the idea of children being expected to act like mini-adults in our North American Christian Worship Services. I agree that I would define good behavior of my children as sitting quietly and still for the entire service but what if this expectation is specific to our culture and not universal? I guess I got a glimpse of how a different culture deals with this issue and wondered/questioned some of my reactions and expectations in light of the fact that the expression of respect and good behavior in children is not universally evaluated the same way.
I too want my children to learn to sit still and be quiet at times (more time then are for sure) but I wonder why I think that way. Why is my picture of well-behaved children in church one where they are sitting nicely in dress clothes and listening intently – why do I expect them to be little adults and feel very uncomfortable when then don’t fit into that mold?
I hope that made sense. Any thoughts?
True, our kids are basically our little robots to do and say what we want them too.
I don’t think we will ever falter from the idealistic behavior in church. As long as their is an older generation in church you will always have some one being opinionated of how kids are being brought up.
It is hard trying to raise these little things into big things.
It makes me feel like I am doing something right when I get a praise here are there of how well our children behaved in church. Or even of them reminiscing of themselves in our same situation years and years ago.
I had a similar experience when I was in Eastern Europe in the early 90’s. We were working with an extremely conservative denomoation and their services would go on…and on…and on. Sometimes we would kneel on a cement floor to pray for over an hour. One thing I noticed was that the children were free to move around and leave during all of this. They weren’t roudy, but they certainly didn’t just sit quietly with their parents the whole time.
I mostly noticed this because I was wondering why they got to do that and I didn’t. Maybe that’s why we make our kids sit quietly during church.
Ken
this question definitly creates some tension for me. On the one hand, one of my key beliefs about children and youth is that culture and also our family systems have taken away thier ability to be just that a child, so for kids and teens to be expected to act like something they are not (adults) is frustrating, but at the same time, I AM bothered by screaming babies in Church, not as much by fidgety toddlers, so i feel a tension. Also, i don’t know what the answer is, as much as we would love our churches to be multigenerational and more like a family then a club where people come hang out on sundays, it will take God to change our hearts and minds to accept such a transtition…good post Bryce!
From the discussion and comments, it is obvious that we all experience this tension about wanting to be multi-generational but at the same time, protect the service from moving into all out chaos. Maybe living in this tension is a good thing as either extreme is problematic.